Where Did I Go Wrong
by Sit Back Relapse Again
Summary: Jasper nearly loses Alice, and he doesn't know how to deal with it.Some Jasper angst, and ALice fluff. I'm bad at summeries, sorry! This is my first fic published, so bare with me!


"How can I trust you Jasper? You won't let me in, let me know what's bothering you! You just keep trying to handle it yourself…how do you think that makes _me _feel? Well, I can't do it any more. You're on your own. I'm sorry!" Alice said, then gracefully ran off, as the tears threatened to fall. She couldn't do this any more. It was just too painful to love Jasper when he kept things bottled up inside, and hid his feelings from her.

Jasper stood frozen, in the same position since Alice had fled. He was in no way trying to hide the slow tears that were rolling down his face. Didn't she understand? He _couldn't_ tell her, he was protecting her from the pain he felt; the pain it caused him. Knowing. Knowing the monster he really was. He couldn't control himself like they could…he could barely keep himself together.

Whenever he was left alone with his thoughts the past always came back to haunt him; like a nightmare. Except he never slept. If only he could, he could escape the horror that came flooding back whenever his guard was down. That's why he needed Alice. _Craved _Alice, for she kept the past away; and was something Jasper could focus on.

Then suddenly it dawned on him. Alice was _gone_. She'd left, when he needed her. He'd tried so hard to tell her, to make her understand. Every time he had tried to, he always remembered what might happen if he did. Alice might fear him. Her eyes would widen and suddenly become filled with fear and panic. Then she'd run. However, this time she'd be screaming; and tears of horror would be trailing down her pale, marble face.

So Jasper turned and ran, running like a blur through the trees. Away from the house. Away from his family, the Cullen's; the place where he had truly felt happy, and accepted. Away from Alice. Jasper ran through the woods until he had no strength left mentally, as physically he could have run forever.

He stopped suddenly, the leaves settling around him, and slowly sunk to the ground. He leaned back against a tree and closed his eyes. As soon as he did, memories began to flood his mind. _A woman, finding him on the streets; lost and alone. Helping him. The same woman shouting at the group of people, and looking at Jasper; an evil smirk on her face. Turning to see himself surrounded by children, who advanced on him; teeth gleaming. The panic he felt as he realised they were Vampires; and then the sudden pain of them biting him. The venom. The never-ending pain…_

Jasper jolted upright opening his eyes, halting the memories. It had been hard controlling his thoughts around Edward. The one person who would know his pain without him actually speaking the words aloud. All Jasper could think of know was where he had gone wrong. How he'd lost Alice. The pain he'd unintentionally caused her.

Suddenly the answer came to Jasper as if it had been obvious all along; he had to leave. Spare Alice the fear. She'd be better off without him, and then he'd be left to try to hold himself together; to live with the pain. Jasper blinked a few times as if everything was becoming clearer. Why hadn't he seen this before? Why did he let himself get so close to someone he loved?

Jasper heard very light footsteps running closer, and was suddenly afraid that it was Alice. He wasn't sure he'd be able to leave if he saw her face again. He stood up, slowly, silently, and was about to run. As he turned, cool marble fingers grabbed his arm. "No" the voice said, the voice Jasper recognized which belonged to Edward. "You can't" Edward said, turning Jasper to face him. Edward stood there in silence for what seemed like forever; staring into Jaspers eyes. "I know" he said, barely a whisper, breaking the silence.

He knows. He KNOWS. He _knows. _Panic rose through Jasper as he realised that Edward knew everything. This time Jasper couldn't help it as the memories flooded his brain. _The intense pain…ending. Then the thirst. The uncontrollable thirst. His throat was on fire. The child. The innocent child stood before him. The thirst. Running. Running from himself but with no escape. _

"I'm a monster. Let me go" Jasper whispered. He slowly lifted his eyes to look at Edward. "You're not a monster Jas" Edward replied. "You couldn't help it. They were sick, twisted people that did that to you. But you're not like them. You're kind, loving "Edward told the disbelieving Jasper. "You spared the child…despite the thirst. You felt compassion, you sensed his fear and ran. You _saved_ him" Edward argued.

"But I wanted to" Jasper said in a small voice. "I wanted to kill that innocent child, out of greed! I came so close…I nearly killed a defenceless child!" Jasper said, his voice rising higher. Edward took a step closer, towards Jasper. "Alice is worried…she saw what you were planning. She's scared. You're not a monster. The monster was that _woman _that set all those Newborns on you. You could have told us, we wouldn't think any less of you, you're family. You make Alice so happy" Jasper smiled slightly when he heard this. "We've all done some things we regret in the past, but you can talk to us about it. We understand. We'll still love you whatever. And you're not a monster…so don't think like that. Come on, let's go back and see Alice" Edward suggested. 

"But…" Jasper started as they were walking back to the house. "But what?" Edward prompted. "But…well…how do I tell Alice? What if she doesn't understand? What if…she leaves me?" Jasper said in a tiny voice. Edward could see the pain in his eyes at the thought of losing Alice.

Edward suddenly realised that this was what had worried Jasper all along; that Alice would leave him. "Listen to me, Jas. Alice isn't like that. She would understand, they all would. We wouldn't think any less of you, you're family" Edward said, and then stopped. They had come to the path outside the back of the house.

"Do you want me with you, when you speak to Alice?" Edward asked; concerned. "No. This is something I have to do by myself" Jasper replied, and sighed. "But, you know, if it looks like it's about to go horribly wrong, feel free to bail me out" Jasper said, and smiled briefly. Edward chuckled. "Deal, but if you even think about making a run for it…I'll pounce you" Edward joked.

Jasper nodded and walked up to the house, feeling nervous. He stopped for a few seconds, took a deep breath, and then sent calming vibes to himself. Edward laughed, when he realised what Jasper was doing. "What? I can calm everyone else down, why not myself?" Jasper muttered, aware that Edward could still hear him.

Jasper looked up, and saw Alice standing in the doorway. She had tear tracks running down her face and her hair was messy, but he didn't care. She was a vision of immense beauty, and love was radiating off her skin. She smiled slightly, before running to Jasper, and in a matter of seconds they were hugging.

"I'm so sorry…I'm …sorry I hurt you…but…I" Jasper said, before Alice stopped him. "It's okay…sssh…I'm just so glad. I was so worried! I saw…you were going to leave me! I couldn't take it, I'm so glad Edward go tot you in time. Please don't leave me" Alice said in a small voice, which made her sound vulnerable.

"I won't, ever. I promise" Jasper whispered, gently wiping the tears from Alice's face. "I…I need to tell you. I need you to understand. _Please…_I couldn't bare it if…you left me" Jasper pleaded, and Alice saw the urgency in his eyes. "Tell me. Whatever it is I'll try to understand. I'll never leave you baby" Alice replied sincerely. Jasper took a deep, calming breath, and began from the beginning.

He told Alice about how he ran away from home, and was taken in by a woman. How she looked after him, and slowly made him trust her. How one day, she set Newborn Vampires onto him, and that he didn't understand. He told her briefly of the pain they caused him, before he finally told her about the innocent child he nearly killed.

"I'm a monster" Jasper finished, lowering his head and looking down at the ground. Alice growled, and then gently lifted Jaspers face so that he was looking at her. TO his surprise she didn't look afraid of him, she looked slightly angry.

"No. No you're not! You didn't kill him Jas, you ran. You spared him! I could never hate you Jas, you're so kind, I blame that _woman_", Alice growled, "that set those Newborns on you. That tried to use you to fight for her! How _dare _she? She took advantage of you! She had no right. Tell me where she is, so I can go bite her, and rip her to pieces!" Alice fumed.

Jasper laughed, and Alice looked at him,. Confused. "What?" she asked. "I love you!" Jasper replied, before picking her up and spinning in circles. Edward walked past, heading towards the house. Before he was completely inside he stopped, and turned towards Jasper; who was still spinning and laughing with Alice.

"I take it you don't need bailing out?" Edward joked. "Maybe later" Jasper replied, and in a fluid movement turned their spinning into a waltz across the lawn. Edward smiled at how happy they were, and then went inside. "Bailing out of what?" Alice asked, curiously. "Well, I didn't think telling you would be this easy, that's for sure" Jasper said, relieved.

"And you thought Edward would save you?" Alice asked, in a mock scary voice. "Depended on what I needed saving from" Jasper smirked, "and whether or not it was _me _that needed saving" Jasper said. "Oh I'm _way_ more scary " Alice said, bearing he teeth playfully. "Oh yeah? Even if I do this?" Jasper said.

One moment they were upright, and the next Jasper had swept Alice's legs away; and they gracefully fell to the floor. Jasper was on top of Alice, pinning her to the soft grass. "How about now?" Jasper questioned playfully, and quickly kissed Alice on the lips. "Sure you don't need saving?" Jasper asked innocently.

Alice smiled sweetly, before grabbing Jasper's arms and rolling over. "I'm sure. How about you?" Alice asked, before leaning down and placing a longer kiss on Jasper's lips. "Hmmm. I'm not sure, you better ask me again" Jasper teased. "Hey! We can hear you guys" Emmett shouted from indoors "and if you don't stop being so mushy you'll _both _need saving…from me and Edward!" he called.


End file.
